Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
