I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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