At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
