I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
