The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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