i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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