Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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