You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
