I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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