my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
