just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
