She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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