You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
