Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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