went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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