Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
