Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
