I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
