I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
