Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
