The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
