remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
