I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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