He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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