Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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