So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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