Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
