nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
