The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
