Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
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