Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize
