if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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