best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
