we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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