The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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