woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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