i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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