new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You can't just leave with hair like that
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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