i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
