Swine flu. Run for my life!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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