Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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