My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
