I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
