I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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