all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
