Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
