i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
