I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
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