I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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