Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
