he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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