In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm too high and old for this...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
