Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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