Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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