I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
