new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
