Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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