those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize