You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
