dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
