its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
