God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
