you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
