his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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