Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
