Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
