Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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