I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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