I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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