You're my little dorito
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
