I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
