dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize