I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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